dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
