i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
