3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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