you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
