So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
