hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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