it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we're making bets on your personal life
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ladies don't puke and tell
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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