3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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