Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
