i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
