Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All the doctor said was why
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
