I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
