watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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