wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
