We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
