I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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