i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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