You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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