so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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