shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
