Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
