Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
