party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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