We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
