I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
