So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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