My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
