HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
