Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
