yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
