No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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