Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize