If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize