saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
