just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
