I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
