How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
