I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
