I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
