Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
