He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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