woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
