I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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