I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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