i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
