She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
