I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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