his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
