So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
