I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
