It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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