actually, I'm a sock model
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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