he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
