I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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