I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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