Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize