At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
