someone threw a dead crab at me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
