So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its liver damage thursday
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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