she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
