We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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