what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
