There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
