Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Small penises have feelings too.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize