I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
