she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
