shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
