you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
