....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
