i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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