So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
