I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
