You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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