when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
