My nipple is on Facebook.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
