I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
