Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
