i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize