I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
