There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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