You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
