Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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