Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's the barista slut.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
