i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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