I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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