um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
