I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize