why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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