Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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