If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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