I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Damn victory sex feels great
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
